This time the upswing started at lunchtime on Tuesday. Admidst the picketers I sat, basking bescrubbed in the brilliant sunshine. For a moment I daydream and then there's a "Hey Shan" beside me and a face that's familiar from (but never outside of) preschool-through-university. "I didn't recognize you right away because of your hair."

Fumbly conversations, silly smiles, it should have turned out differently, but we're both like we are and we both have to go back to work. Plus it's all in my head... but we'd drive to the university together, or home in the darkness with the radio and.. my imagination.

Last night was something epic. A fundraiser clubbing night, a night that leaves you with so little sleep that a 9.5 hour workday skims past in an adrenaline-steeped delerium. (I trained someone, in my delerious steadfast wakefulness. They have ME training a woman how to manage a breeding room.)

But the night... highschool class president groping me on the dancefloor. Kissing two boys at once. It's not really that bad though, when you realize that we've known these boys forever.

And then there was Etienne with his je ne sais quois and his tickley scruffy blonde beard and his elfin eyes. "C'est tres tres bein, oui?" Out on Granville we were playing and cuddling when a man came up to us. "He is so in love with you. You're so in love with this adorable girl. If you were to break up with him you'd break his heart. Am I right? I am right, just look at you two."

Squished in the backseat between two boys, we speed down Hastings. Hit a bump so hard we slam our heads into the ceiling. Andrew gets sauce on his face.

Tonight Dave called me. He told me he was on antidepressants and is feeling better than he ever has in his life. "I don't know why I called to tell you this. But it felt right." I asked him about the raven-haired girl. "Oh I'm so in love with her." "I know, Dave, I know." I know. But I also know that we'll always know each other better than anyone else. Firsts. I talked to him for a while, sitting on the front stoop, watching the crows migrate for the night. The neverending flock of crows. I like to watch the crows.

Tomorrow we're headed camping.