Rooted, I used to think.

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Purgatory - Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019
Day Fifteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Fourteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Thirteen - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019
Atonement - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019

2002-02-04 @ 5:50 p.m.
I got an interview!

I talked to Chris last night for a while. He didn't recognize my voice at first, and I could tell that he was trying to determine which of his girlfriends was calling him at 11pm.

We talked for a long time about the future and where our lives are going. Looking back on everything now, the break-up was, without question, the right choice. We were both holding each other back... smothering each other... with insane amounts of jealousy. It's really neat to have a friend like him now. He knows the darkest parts of my soul: he can advise me knowing exactly how I feel.

I then confessed to Cowboy about my dreams for country life:

Me: sorry... i've been thinking way too much over the last few weeks.. my mind is exploding with ideas and dreams and thoughts.... i can't concentrate on studying at all... even when i'm out jogging my mind is loud with revelations...

Me: i'm in the wrong place. completely.

Him: see and you know what is funny about that

Me: what?

Him: one of the reasons i though we never would work long term is that i figured you for always wanting to live in north van or van or some place down here

Me: i can't believe you never knew of my dislike of this concrete cesspool.

Him: naw i though you where a city girl to the death at heart and the other half of that heart was country i knew but i though city was bigger

Me: i am happy-ish here because there's no point in being miserable when I HAVE to be here now... that's how i work.. find happiness.. beauty.. wherever you are...

but all my dreams.. all my poetry... all my freaking computer wallpapers....

the farm. i want to smell that smell of fields everymorning. its at the farm. like cucumber leaves or something.. sharp... dark... man, its amazing.

Him: intersting

Me: what?

Him: nothen just shocked me..

Shocked him?? Crazy. I thought it was blatantly obvious. Maybe I blend in with the cookie-cutter UBC drones more than I'd ever hate-to-believe.


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