Rooted, I used to think.

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Purgatory - Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019
Day Fifteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Fourteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Thirteen - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019
Atonement - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019

2002-02-17 @ 2:40 a.m.
Peter be gone

He grabbed my about my waist and spun me around on the front porch the night we broke up. My head keeled with emotions and love. That one action IS Chris. All his love. All his strength. Even during our last seconds together he swept me away.

Peter can't do that to me. He won't let me inside his soul. I can't become dizzy with his love unless I can see the passion and creativity inside his heart. He is a paperdoll.. and he flutters away from me in the prevailing winds that blow from my searching body.

I continue my race through the woods... ducking from low cedar limbs and hopping over fallen saplings.

Sure he doesn't question what I do every second that we are apart, but he doesn't question what I dream of either. I'm not sure why I feel emotional at all about deciding to send him on his way. I thought that he would be more 'right' because he was university smart. And cute. But university doesn't teach you how to carve relationships. Even more, I get bored after the excitement of the first kiss. That first kiss is the most amazing feeling in the world, but it's all downhill from there.

Chris kept me interested by telling me dark things about his past, and he held onto me so tight. I was there for him, at one time. He cried and I held him. Dave held me like that too. I can hardly remember our love, but it was fierce. He worked his way into my heart with foot rubs and gentleness.

I search. And all the while I yearn to be alone.

Roots | Shoots