In ecology today, I got up to present the ideas that our group had brainstormed. It really has been years since I'd done that, and it was horrible. My heart raced. I stuttered. Ya, I can write so easily, but lecturing to a class is another. A girl in my group whispered "Good job!" when I returned to sit with them. It must have been really damn obvious how nervous I was. Oh well. Participation marks. And hopefully lots if he considers how much that took out of me. The girl from the other group was completely enjoying her presentation: having everyone watch her toss her hair and adjust her sweater over her bursting cleavage AND getting lots of participation marks.

The sunshine led me to the farm to do some clean-up chores that have been building up over the last month. Nobody was around. Boss gone home I guess. So I worked in the garden and field alone with my discman tucked in the front pocket of my overalls. The resident red-tailed hawk monitered my progress as robins darted back and forth snatching unfortunate worms.

I talked to him briefly today after class. He looked so tired and sad. He said he has two midterms this week, so that explains everything. He hasn't the time for me or any relationship, and I'm OK with that. I've got the farm. I've got my morning jogs.

Soooo back in reality... Peter came over this evening. And then left. For good. No sex and he's gone. As if I didn't see this one coming... for some reason I thought maybe he was different that the other guys.. but then again.. I didn't really want to be with him anyhow. I've been single in my mind for weeks. Official now. And I feel even lighter than before.