2002-03-09 @ 12:10 a.m.
A Bird in the Hand...
"You were awesome, Babe."
Chris can still make my heart race and leap up in my chest. Just one phrase, and I feel relaxed and confident. He asked if I wanted to live with him in the summer if I ended up working in the city. It's a fun idea, but there's the issue of other girls and other boys. Plus he's a complete slob, and he'd get his wish of having me as his new sister/mother... cooking for him and cleaning for him.
My sister is back together with her boyfriend after a short 1 month break-up. Seeing them back together nearly encourages me to try again with Chris, but not yet. No way am I ready for that again.
Ironically, just when I decide to completely stop trying with the lab partner, something confidence boosting happens. See, I realized that if I were to make a move on him, he'd think that I want to 'hook up'. Since I'm not interested in that kind of relationship, I'll just keep to myself for a few months. I'm going to relax, smile, and take care of myself. So I go to genetics. No make up (even though my version of make up is pressed powder and lip smackers), old circa grade-10 sweater, circa grade-11 brown loafers, and my comfy loose "bloated pms" jeans, quail-dusty hair in a messy pony tail. And note-borrower comes and sits down beside me and says "Hi!" with a big nervous smile! (Note-borrower had come up to me in ecology to ask for my genetics notes.. which means he noticed me in BOTH classes and made the connection...) We chit-chatted for a bit. He seems totally nice and normal. Too bad I'm not looking right now :)
I'm headed downtown tomorrow to a luncheon with Jeff. A month or so ago I would have been elated at such a 'date' type activity, but I feel completely on the friend-level relationship with him. It should be fun. I'm tempted to invite him back to the 'Shore for a home-cooked meal at home. Mom would love him. I loved his personality after 5 mins of talking to him when we first met... we were painting fences at the Farm... I had paint on my nose. That was a critical day in the last year: my first day at the farm.
Skill learned today: euthenasia. I found a bird that was being trampled. I picked it up, and her leg and wing were broken. She was dehydrated and flinched noticeably as I held her. "Do it quickly. Cervical dislocation. They suffer less this way than when we used C02." I've never killed anything larger than a fly intentionally before. Her claws were long and twisted, and her back was bare of feathers from the constant pecking of other birds. She's gotta be in a better place than that cage now. Even silent darkness would be an improvement on the life she was living yesterday.
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