SWORDFERN
Rooted, I used to think.

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Purgatory - Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019
Day Fifteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Fourteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Thirteen - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019
Atonement - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019


2002-06-09 @ 10:48 p.m.
The Cliffs



Sprinklers ch-ch-ch'd over the gardens as I placed my backpack and towel in the trunk of the old Jetta. Yeah, I though, this is going to be a great day. Early morning driving across the city, only joggers and dogs and Sunday-best dressed churchgoers roam the streets.

I can still smell the sunscreen on my skin. And there's a salty taste lingering on my lips.

We drove so fast on the highway. The windows were rolled down and we FLEW. He wants the radio off, she wants the Fox, he wants XFM... I offer the CD from my discman, but the Protege has no CD player. So we listen to him sing annoyingly to the annoying songs, and laugh.

Parking, walking.

Long trek down the train tracks. The creosote is melting and rising off the railway ties as a cloying vapour, and I walk down the rail. Foxgloves and lupines, fireweed, buttercups. He comments that it's just like that movie, you know the one. She offers "Stand By Me?" But there are two girls and two guys, not four guys. So we pretend we are boys and lower our voices in a false tenor.

Down the cliff. Arbutus trees, peeling red bark, twisted trunks.

We are there. And I strip off my sundress and take off the floppy hat. And jump.

"She's beating us in the water! Girl in first? This is so wrong."

The rocks are covered in mussles down low and barnacles up high. It reminds me of our studies of the competition of these creatures in ecology, and I observe exactly what the textbooks describe. Funny that.

We jump. Well, just me and one boy. Apparently the water is 'freaking cold'. Higher and higher up the cliffs. I can't do the highest one. But that's OK.

I'm floating on my back. It's so much louder under the water here, most likely due to the proximity to the marina. I lazily kick over to the rock island. I just watch the ocean, the boats, and the seals. He comes out to sit with me. We talk about the gossip that I've been missing, in my antisocial world. We talk until it is parched and hot on that rock, and then dive into the current that sweeps us back to the cliffs.

Back up the hill we go, through the twisted arbutus grove, along the tracks. We disturb a lizard sunning itself on the rails.

Flying home, laughing, watching people in cars, smiling to boys in Jeeps, the guys smile to girls in Miatas. He drops me off last. He wants a hug. I relent. Then push away, tickling him, to break the moment. I know if I give a little, he'll take it all. He's so far gone from my mind. Yes, I need his friendship; he makes me feel beautiful. I run up the driveway, and I can see out of the corner of my eye that he's watching me. He looks so fragile and lost. I think he really is.


Roots | Shoots