2002-06-26 @ 10:52 p.m.
Not Over
I guess I never really realized what it means to be 'over' someone. I've been thinking about cliff jumping with Dave and that walk that we took along the beach. The feelings that I have towards him are complete and utter companionship. There's no jealousy, no yearning feelings. When I don't hear from him for weeks, or even months, I feel nothing.
This is different with Chris. I haven't heard from him in about three weeks, and it is tearing me up. I constantly wonder who he's been with and what he's been doing with his time. These last three weeks he's been on vacation. He's had all the time in the world, but no time for a phone call for me. This bothers me. And that means that I am no 'over him'.
It has been 8 months, and I vow to still not look for a relationship until the pain of Chris is gone. Until I can just let him fall out of my mind, I will not search for new love.
I guess it is this summer heat that has brought about this revelation. It all seems so clear now. The waxy covering enveloping my emotions has melted away, and I understand. Not yet, not yet. You've got baggage surrounding your heart. Wait for the time and the old love to pass.
~*~
Another evening at the beach. Floating on my back in the ocean, watching the sea planes against the high hazey clouds.
How did it get to be Wednesday night?
After making the above oath, I talked to Kevin about my day and his. Upon saying it was time for bed, he replies, "it might sound cheezy, but after talking to you, i am a bit more relaxed and optimistic to dream ... good night :)" I think I've gotten myself into some trouble.
�
