She did this, this depression filled slump. I thought by calling her that she'd make me feel better and rid me of a mild loneliness problem. But no, she amplified it.

Two of my highschool friends got married this weekend. I wasn't invited because A) I don't talk to the bride on the phone anymore and B) I dated the groom for a couple weeks 4 years ago. That's OK. I can deal with that. I'll buy myself the breadmaker. So I called up another friend to get the scoop on how the wedding went. The highlights: one other couple announced engagement, another couple was set up so that the girl caught the bouquet and the guy got the garter, and the girl who was relating this to me described how she's planning on marrying her boyfriend as soon as he's done school.

I bet you can see why this made me feel a little lonely and depressed.

So I called up Mom hoping for reassurance that we are all young, and not to worry about finding love. Her response: "Are you meeting anyone? Maybe you should talk to those boys you see walking out in the low tide at the beach. Maybe you should take some courses to meet people." She sounded very concerned that I haven't had a date since February.

Mom is always right. That means that I should be concerned too.

It's just all crashing over me. I want freedom and being single. I want love and comfort. I want it all, and I want nothing. I haven't felt like this in many, many years. It's just like I'm in grade 9 again, wishing on the stars for a knight to ride up to my castle on a grey horse. I'm drifting within myself, silent at work, not calling friends. Afraid to talk to people.. I thought I conquered this in 1st year. It's back.

As I'm writing this I can feel my heart thumping against my sternum. It knows I write the truth.

Here is one of the promised photographs from Texada: