Rooted, I used to think.

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Purgatory - Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019
Day Fifteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Fourteen - Saturday, Feb. 09, 2019
Day Thirteen - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019
Atonement - Thursday, Feb. 07, 2019

2002-08-03 @ 12:51 p.m.

I was out behind the barns, still in soft blue coveralls from feeding and bandana around my hair, pulling tumbling handfulls of berries into a sheep feed bucket. I'd let the ewes out into the pasture, and they were following me around thinking I had barley in the bucket.

There was a moment where I was reaching up and the sun was filtering through the brambles onto the berries.. the half-ripe red ones alit from within. A breeze tattered the leaves around me. The sheep talking quietly beyond.

I was singing something - Sarah Harmer at the time I think - and pushing deep into the thicket to reach those massive sweet ones, and I heard a clatter behind me. Turning around, there was a friend of Thomas' building some shelves. How long had he been there? I think I said "Hey" and something about the berries being ripe. He commented that they were very sweet this year and how the weather was. If it were a movie, I would have ended up rolling in the hay with him. But since this is reality, and I'm freaking shy, I went back to picking, hopped over a fence to the next paddock and didn't look back.

I spent the evening with Med Student. I understand what he's about now. It's not the way that I want to live at all. It could work, and I could be happy. Could. I am the ground where he is the sky. I soar on feathered wings where he speeds by in a jet plane.

We watched a DVD in his downtown apartment. It scared me, to be up so high and looking down onto the traffic below. It was all red lights and engine humms and sirens wailing. I looked around at this unknown world of high-end cars, electronic gadgets, power lunches, and drive for success, and I wished that I could be with Deuce out at the Hideout surrounded by silence. He tells me that I bring him down so that his feet touch the ground. I'm not sure I can pull him down for ever, and I never want to be lifted up above the fields and pastures.

Roots | Shoots