Elation.

The adrenaline of 4 hours sleep.

The sunshine is so crisp in the dew-damp garden. The hens are glistning white and red. Their voices sharp in the early morning quiet.

My mind flitters from one thing to another.. to coworker crush and his laughter... how he was so concerned as I faded into unconsciousness in the lab... to the grad student and his amazing smile when I tackled and tickled him... to walking for 2 hours in the dark to avoid paying bus fares, the boys rowdy, everybody starving with hunger... and back to Jon.

I mentioned that I saw him at the PNE: mmm he smelled good. ugh he was a horrible kisser. Well guess what? He sent me an email. And we talked yesterday morning. And we are met for coffee last evening, before the Girls Night I had to show up at. He apologized for the way he acted back in January. He said he's ready to settle into a relationship now. I am hesitant. There is so much going on right now to be tied up in a pre-owned slightly-battered relationship. All I could say was, "You better not tell me you're wallpapering your fucking bathroom on a Saturday night again." His response? "It's all done now. The bathroom looks great." We wandered along the seawall and sat on a log, listening to the pebbles turn over upon each other in the enormous cruise ship waves.

Him one, him two, him three. Sunshine. Wind.

I snuggled into a comfy chair at Girls Night and observed these friends that know nothing about me anymore. They passed around little plates with chips and cookies... they were reading a Cosmo and talking about their favourite positions and toys. They coo'd and aww'd over the baby. I had to leave early to put the animals to bed.. and a couple of the girls gave me hugs goodbye: "See you at the party next weekend!" Hugs? I, umm, saw you at New Years... and you had to ask, tonight, where I was living these days... and whether I was in classes or working... I'm sorry. You are so fake.