Thursday, Oct. 03, 2002 @ 11:01 pm
My boss brought in his 3-day old baby for show-and-tell.
Everyone gathered in the office and watched her sleeping, peaceful face. Some people wanted to hold her. Make-out Coworker wanted to hold her. I watched him rock her in his arms. He looked down at her with wonder, tenderness, and care.
He looked up at me, and gestured with his eyes that I was next to hold her. He came close to me, and the length of our arms touched as he passed her off to me. She fit so perfectly in my elbow. I could feel her breathing. I looked up at Him, our eyes met, and we both smiled.
"Do you have baby cousins or something? You look so at ease with the newborn."
I'd never held a baby in my life.
Tonight I tried out my new headlamp on my bike. I went into the woods and crashed through some pitch-black trails. I stopped and let the darkness pour around me. Fog is creeping in from the sea. It's swirling up off the pavement, growing thick up above eye level.
Mom called and gave me boy advice. She is so worried that I will be hurt with this whole thing. "I can tell you really like him. I can tell that you're in a very vulnerable position. You've got to be careful that he isn't just in this because you are so young and attentive."
She gave me a reality check. I sat for a while, beading a new necklace. Everyone else is watching ER. Damnit, having no cable sucks on Thursdays. Just when things were getting tangled and dark in my mind, the phone rings.
It's him: "You sound surprised that I called!"
Now it all makes sense. The fog. My vision blurred by intense adoration. The reality check stirred up that fog for a while, but I'll ride deep into it for the excitement of the unknown, the what-could-be.