Thursday, Mar. 13, 2003 @ 7:47 pm
Remember to Breathe
Have you ever seen something created by someone you love, and quickly a smile breaks across your face and you could cry.. because you realize how much you love every single thing about that person?
If only I could show you what made me wimper with ache and want. Maybe later. You'll laugh.
***
I had to cross the TA's protest line this morning on my way off to work. I was so angry. So extrememly angry. I wanted to see them catch fire off of their smoking oil drums. I wanted to scream at them "You're fucking with my LIFE!!". But no. I just pedalled though and gave Death Glare.
All I can think about is the next year.. all of the What Ifs that lie ahead. School? I'm thinking not. Work? Perhaps part-time at the lab. Volunteer work? Most defintely. I've been sucking the system too much lately without putting anything in.
And then I see the probable: working full time at the lab, cycle-commuting from home, crashing at beerfest parties on the weekends, hopefully pursuing some flimsy physical-based relationship that ultimately makes me whiney and underconfident and used. And volunteering on Saturday mornings (hungover) at a local wishy-washy vet clinic. Maybe I'd have time/money to lease a horse again.
Christ, as long as it's not lambing 3 friggin' ewes in a night while trying to put together an artsy paper on Ukrainian immigration...
I go out at 11pm in my pj's to lock up the ducks. All lights are on in barn. Volunteers are taking care of evening lambing shifts. I survey the pens and head quick to the little heated office room next to the feed room.
"Umm you know there is an ewe outside with a lamb half-out of her ass??" (Volunteer girl keeps chit-chatting on phone)
"Hello?"
"Yeah, hold on a sec. I'll be right out."
Priorities, yeah right. Nature doesn't wait. I'm too impatient with volunteers. I'm mega bitch live-in student who makes them bail manure-filthy water at 7am on Sunday morning. Six weeks to go.. just remember to breathe.
Look, even the cat glares at me right now:
Anyone interested in the festivities next wednesday morning of Lamb Castrating??
It'll be a ball.
Roots | Shoots
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