Sunday, Sept. 28, 2003 @ 8:55 pm
It's been bad, the last couple days.
Right now I've packed up my van, that is, everything except my sleeping bag, a book, my discman, and a toothbrush.
I spent my day off in Victoria, wandering the streets, the fisherman's wharf, the beaches... rode all through the Saanich Peninsula... all with the entertainment of a Nalgene of alcohol. I've never felt the need to numb life with alcohol before but it felt so good. To just let my mind and body succumb to the dizzy release.
And every night since I have drank before bed. Otherwise I dream of feeding seals, catching seals, awaking every hour in a panic that a seal is not fed.
This is obviously not healthy. Tomorrow a Scottish male intern starts. I will see if he is interesting, and if not I will escape in the cover of darkness tomorrow night. To where? I do not know. I'm thinking Tofino. Stormwatching, sleeping for a few days to the lull of long crashing rollers.
It is unsettling to realize that your entire career/life map is all wrong.