My old loves have faded. I'm tired of their thin arms and soft faces. I have spent hours with them, learning their laughs, their clothes. I know too much, and knowing that much ruins all mystery. Young boys - so much to learn.

So, I have moved on. The classes are shuffled. Faces that I failed to notice last year, faces faintly crumpled, smoothed out faint lines. Early wisdom in their eyes.

There is a sense of fighting a common battle among those of us who survived the first quarter. The dedicated few who buckled down. And because of that, friendships grow easily.

Not to say that I have any friends in the program. I am falling out of the class, onto the outside of the main social group. Not surprising. I cannot compete with the heart-stopping beauty of the other girls. I fall to the side, living in the library, quietly finding satisfaction in using up a pen, sharpening a pencil to the perfect useable point.

I adore my teachers. Oh, the brown-noser I so easily become. I try so hard to be good. In the bathroom, I'm organizing my outfit to minimize the effect of my breasts on the 19 year-old boys. In walks my math teacher - a teacher that I will probably accidently call Mom one day. I freeze. She says Hello. I meep Hi. I drop a pocket-full of change across the tiled floor. Fluster. Geeky. Oh God, I'm embarassing. I pick up the dimes, mutter See you in a bit and burst out the door. Idiot.

Daniel is at school with me right now. We drive to campus together, in my little silver truck, and we walk from the parking lot to the centre of campus. Little kiss goodbye. Meet up in the cafeteria at lunch. My classmates at a long table nearby. I have never eaten with them. My teachers say Hi to me as they walk by. I am having lunch with my boyfriend - no - husband - well - not technically - but - practically - oh, who cares. Maybe I do.

My resolutions:

1. Develop a collection of matching underwear and bras.
2. Purchase clothing made of only natural fibres, unless for windproof or waterproof purposes.
3. Quit my part-time job and relax my attitude about money so that I can spend more quality time with Daniel.