SWORDFERN
Rooted, I used to think.

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Tuesday, Dec. 30, 2008 @ 9:19 am
Cry-stmas



Trip report later. Right now, Christmas is still hanging over me.

This year's holiday theme: being upset.

What started me off was what happened on my birthday. D and I were on the road home, staying overnight in Baker City, Oregon. He broke the news to me that he didn't have a gift for me. I LOST IT. Sounds superficial, etc, but we don't do gifts on Christmas, we don't celebrate anniversaries, and we don't do V-day. We do birthdays. And he had nothing for me. And we were in a Super 8 motel the middle of nowhere in snow-covered Oregon. I was furious.

We arrived to D's parents house that evening. We woke the next morning, Christmas Eve, to a good 12" of fresh snow and unploughed streets.

I wanted to be with my parents, but our car wasn't going to make it down the street. D dug it out and put chains on it, and it still wouldn't move. D's family has a 4x4 Jeep thingy, but his Dad didn't want to let D drive it. Selfish. I ended up in their basement wearing my snowsuit, crying. I was so mad.

Finally, at about 9pm, his dad said, "Fine, take it." And we drove to the North Shore.

The thing is, I was planning on doing the last of my Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve. I had a list of things that I was going to get from Vancouver, that I couldn't get on the Island or in the States. Because of the snow, I didn't have gifts for several people. I explained what happened to these people, and they said that they understood, but I still felt like a jerk.

On Christmas, I went with my dad to pick up my grandpa. I went in case the car got stuck and they needed a push. As soon as I saw Grandpa, I realized that there was more to the story. He's really gone downhill. Really. He saw me and got so excited that he FELL DOWN. The whole night I stared at him, somehow knowing that I'm not going to see him again. At the end of the night I slowly walked him back up his stairs into his house. I got back into the car with Dad, and we said nothing for a few blocks, me quietly crying, overwhelmed by sadness and what Dad has been dealing with over the last couple of months.

Boxing Day occurred without crying.


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