SWORDFERN
Rooted, I used to think.

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Wednesday, Feb. 11, 2009 @ 12:03 pm
Contradiction



I don't know why this is bothering me so much.

A guy in my class told me that he doesn't get me - that I am open and caring online, but in real life I'm cold. He's right, I suppose, but only in certain circumstances.

I send some classmates messages, apologizing for being snarky or telling them I hope they feel better. In class, I won't really talk with them unless it's in a small group. I don't talk much when the whole class is around, especially now that I'm the only girl left in most of them.

I know that I am a different person around Daniel. I am myself. I'm wierd and funny and wry, always trying to make him laugh. I'm very loud when nobody else is around.

I'm only loud around him, though, and also previous boyfriends. But only the ones that I truly loved and trusted. I'm like that around my nuclear family too - but not around any extended family.

I'm feeling better about this as I type it out. Do I care that he doesn't understand me, that he thinks I'm unemotional?

I guess that I do.

What can I learn from this?

I'd intended on being caring, but I ended up being confusing.

I'm not really going anywhere with this...

I'm leaving soon on a class trip to the concrete plant. I'm giving a guy a ride - the guy who's my type, who's turned out to be just as awesome as I'd initially thought. Perhaps even more awesome. He doesn't think I'm strange, as far as I know.


Roots | Shoots