Back up.

But first, the baby. My friend's baby, the first baby that I've had monthly visits with since his birth. With him, I pretend to know what I'm doing. I improvise and let him show me what to do. Baby Oscar, naked on my hip. Baby Oscar, twisting to look into my eyes, to take my glasses from my face, to twist his fingers around my necklace. His soft feet and the way his face lights up when I say Hi Oscar! with a big grin. I kiss his head and neck and arms without thinking. Later, I wonder what his mother thinks about my affection towards him. Later, I'm thinking about Oscar.

Babies. No. I was talking about work.

I'd told myself that I'd give this office 6-8 months. It's been 10. I'm comfortable, but I'm resting on my laurels. I don't really know what I'm doing here. Drafting bridges and concrete foundations. Is this really me? No. No, it's not. I'm pretty good at it, good enough to get a 4% raise in the midst of a rash of layoffs. I took the layoffs as a sign that my time here was over. And then my boss, my mentor, is fired for unprofessional conduct. What's left for me here?

So, cocky as all hell, I contact a principal at my dream design firm. Oh, you know, just send an email saying that I want to work for them and do they have any openings. Within 24 hours, he replies optimistically.

A month goes by. In that time we go camping for Easter. We go to Cuba. I get sick for two weeks. I emerge from sickness and decide to follow up. Cover letter, email, resume, transcript, namedropping. Who am I?

Three days later the phone rings. In my hand, my phone ringing, me staring at the call display.

I don't know what I've done to deserve this. My luck, how does my luck not run out?

Maybe this is the time that it runs out. Maybe the interview is terrible. Maybe they don't offer me enough money. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

Back up again. I missed something. Last weekend, we met up with ond of Daniel's career mentors. We sat for two hours in a coffee shop in the heart of Kitsilano. Heart to heart. He's asking about our family intentions, about our 5 year plans. Critical 5 years here. Family or no family. I mentioned disatisfaction with my company. The first words out of his mouth, Have you considered _______?. Dream design firm. Yup. I told him that I was already pursuing it. The things that click into place. Happenstance. Fate.

And the naked baby on my hip.