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Purgatory - Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019
Monday, Mar. 17, 2014 @ 11:49 am
Mental Health Day
I took today off work, and I feel as though this is the first time that I've had my head above water in months.
Working feels like drowning. Out of the house at 7:15am, walking in the door at 6pm. Dinner, cleaning, then a quick workout, then bed. Lather, rinse, repeat. The weekends are laundry, groceries, visiting with relatives. Never a second to myself. And I don't even have kids!!!
My Dad told me yesterday that he's pulled a lump from my Grandfather's estate, and that it's meant to go towards real estate. It's the difference between being able to buy one and two bedrooms in this city. Too bad we need three to have kids. Hahahah. Uhhh.. it's not really funny.
But how to capture this light feeling? How to allow it to continue? How do I work and not feel as though I'm drowning? Am I doing the wrong job? I look at Masters programs and nothing really grabs me. Finish my engineering degree? I'd be in my early 40s before I could seal a drawing. And that's without taking a break to have a family.
I have a nagging feeling that I'm doing something wrong. But when I'm drowning with working, then I don't have the mental space to consider what is missing.