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Purgatory - Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019
Friday, May. 11, 2018 @ 11:48 pm
I work a turnaround in Kamloops.
The hot tub is open for the season. There's a provincial government branch conference happening in the hotel, and I sit in a hot tub with half-drunk bureaucrats. We all come from different areas of the province, and it turns out that we have all lived in Prince George at some point in our lives. The situation is so fascinating - strangers getting to know one another in this rooftop hot tub.
My drive home is interrupted by an accident. I sit on the highway for a half hour not knowing the cause. I get out of the car and stare down at Shuswap Lake, the sun starting to set, the lake all shimmering and the air warm on my bare arms. Traffic finally moves, and I drive slowly past an overturned pickup in the shaley ditch.
I work grumpily through the remainder of the week.
I'm pushing through Friday afternoon, when JM pops by and asks me to join the board for the coworking space. My spirits lift, and my insides soften with joy. I remember telling D back in November that I'll be on the board in under a year. He scoffed at the time, "Don't get too big for your britches, now."
An hour later, my office mate arrives. "Do you want to come mountain biking with some ladies tonight? We're meeting at 5pm." I accept.
And at 4pm, Adam pokes his head in and invites me to a patio for happy hour.
Thanks for the invite, but we're going out on a ladies ride.
I'm busting up on the inside. Who am I? Multiple social invites. I haven't had my own social life in... a long time. Since before Daniel.
At 5pm, we're loading bikes onto the back of pickup trucks. A crew of seven gals. Tough, strong women. I lift my bike over my head and line it up in the box of the truck. We saddle up in the parking lot and begin the grind up the forest service road. Patchy snow.
The first descent on the trail. Roots and bermed corners. I take a drop that is past my comfort level, and successfully navigating it builds my confidence. I pause and look ahead of me, of the row of colourful helmets and pony tails bobbing along through the clear cut.
Afterwards at a house in the next block, bowls loaded high with chickpea curry and rice. I eat until I'm full.
So full. Full of new friendships, of belonging, of being invited to the table.
I sit in the dark now, in this old house on this beautiful tree-lined street, thinking about how my life is shifting. My legs aching from tonight's ride.
My stomach full of curry.
My heart full of joy.