Rooted, I used to think.

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The Birthday Dance - Friday, Dec. 20, 2019
You and Me - Tuesday, Dec. 17, 2019
Resilience - Friday, Dec. 13, 2019
Anniversary - Thursday, Dec. 12, 2019
Still Happy - Tuesday, Dec. 10, 2019

Saturday, May. 04, 2019 @ 1:01 am
Gaining Perspective

My insides all twisted up because of Peter. Knowing I’m becoming too invested in him, that I’m lacking perspective.

I agree to meet up with a charming and interesting man. His assertiveness is refreshing.

I am at an event after work and before the date, a panel discussion on diversity. My phone vibrates three times. I look down. Messages from Chris, Peter, and Daniel, all at the same time. At the end of the event, I go into the hotel bathroom and fix up my hair, put on my silver feather earrings.

I meet the man at a Japanese restaurant, and we sit on the patio. I knew that we have a love of cycling in common, and that we both work in engineering. I figured that was a good starting place for conversation if nothing else.

He’s a bit flirty, but not too much. He is encouraging and keenly intelligent. There are moments when I pause and allow myself to be serious. He catches my eye contact and it holds for a moment. In those moments, those flashes of honesty, I can see that he likes me. I can see a glimpse of his softness and vulnerability. And in those moments my insides scream at me a howling noooooooooooooooo!

“When are you happiest in life?” I ask him.

He contemplates his answer for a few seconds. “When I’m riding my bike. There’s something that happens when I’m riding; my mind becomes loose and clear, and I feel freedom.”

After two and a half hours, we part ways with a brief hug. My gut says no on this one.

As I’m walking across the city, I text Peter. It’s eleven pm on a Friday.

He responds immediately.

I don’t get it. He’s an extrovert. He’s not with anyone else. He didn’t ask to see me. What is he doing???

I put on my headphones, turn up my music to drown out my thoughts, and carry on towards home.

Roots | Shoots