Rooted, I used to think.

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Wednesday, Jul. 31, 2019 @ 8:22 am

If you make it beyond the $36 part, then you are a hero. I have written so many fantasy responses but sent nothing. I don't think that he understands that the relationship is over? I don't care whether he likes and/or respects me anymore, and after this email, I have little faith that a future friendship would even be possible. Ugh.

this is in response to your text message.

Your statement that I was not being generous in the separation agreement is an insult to me. I made several attempts to understand from you what you considered to be fair. I took that feedback, contemplated it against my own views of equity and fairness and came to the conclusion that I would not make any attempts to take any of your savings or the money that your parents provided. I contemplated and stressed over this for weeks and months. This is despite the fact that you had said to me, on several occasions, that “what is mine is yours” and that we had a verbal but unwritten agreement that all of our assets were shared. This decision was also based on extensive research into what my pension might be worth, which I’m incredibly confident is considerably less than your savings but I still didn’t feel it right to pursue an equalization. Also bear in mind that you took the money from your parents and applied it to a shared asset (the house) with my name on it. You doubled back on all of these commitments after the relationship ended. So I thought it was actually generous of me, and unselfish, to let go what had previously been committed as a shared asset and only ask you forego your interest in the car. This was because I knew that I did not earn all of that money and it was what I thought and felt was fair and just was that the money was rightfully yours, despite what the law says. Your lack of acknowledgement of this is disappointing. I didn’t think it unreasonable to suggest you pay a larger portion of the realtor fees considering you walk away from this scenario with more than double the amount I do and that _____ dollars would make a lot more a difference to me than to you.

I made the suggestion that you pay for a portion of the brake work on the car because the damage was made while it was a shared asset (over the course of two winters of salt corrosion) and this was not an amount that I factored into the separation agreement and came at an unexpected time when I have a lot of other expenses (moving expenses, the forfeit of a damage deposit due to breaking a lease, payment of a new damage deposit, etc). The car was making noises for some time because of this issue and I hadn’t had a chance to deal with it. It’s not unreasonable.

Accusing me of having a ‘hyper focus’ on money is the pot calling the kettle black and is consistent with the double standard you established over a long time. If you are going to set boundaries then so shall I. I will not tolerate you making characterizations of me anymore. You’ve taken several opportunities to accuse me of whatever behaviour (‘hyper focus’, ‘gaslighting’, ‘emotional abuse’) suits your opinion and argument at the time and I will not tolerate it. I am none of those. To take your words, "your role in my life” is not to accuse and hurl insults at me and expect me to just take it.

There are 3 remaining financial issues that I request your cooperation on, the first being a bill from the Kootenary Carshare coop for the use of their truck for the purpose of cleaning up the house, disposing of the leftover giveaway items, and yard waste. This is in the amount of about $36 plus the associated taxes. I figure that I spent the bulk of the day dealing with this, so you can pay the bill. The attached bill shows an amount of $100, the balance of that amount was me using the truck for my own moving purposes so I will pay it.

The second is : How much money remained in the joint account and what is the amount that needs to be balanced to rectify the $40 insurance payment that came out that I am responsible for?

The third financial item is a few benefits related reimbursements that you agreed to submit, and I have not had a chance yet to deal with these but will send them to you ASAP and ask that you still honour your commitment to this, it amounts to a couple of hundred dollars which at this current point in time is significant to me.

In reference to your comment about the nature of my communication: The nature of my communications to you have been based on an increasing degree of hurt and insult. This stems from me making attempts to approach my communication with you with vulnerability and honesty, which I have done and you have ignored. Several emails and several requests for information or expressions to you have gone unanswered or ignored. It also stems from a series of demanding and insensitive emails from you. Your communication has focused almost exclusively on transactional issues (hence the insult in your accusation of ‘hyper focus on money’ to me). This is compounded by your still absent apology for the termination of our relationship via email and the avoidance of truth, and lack of communication prior to, during, and after the break-up. You suggest you’ve lost respect for me? Is telling a person who committed their life to you that you’re terminating a relationship via email respectful? Should I have respect for you based on how you approached this, and how little communication and information and honesty you provided me during the course of it? I deserved better.

I do sincerely hope for ongoing positive communication and a maintained friendship with you, Shannon. We have too much of a shared history and mutual understanding to not and I would value communication and you having involvement in my life throughout the future. To do this I need you to drop your accusations and characterizations against and of me and also adjust your tone, communication style, and approach accordingly.

I ask that you acknowledge and response to this email as a first step. Thank you.

Roots | Shoots