There are parts of my life that are beautiful and amazing right now, but there are also parts that are hard.

Attempting to evolve my role on projects in the midst of a pandemic has led to many moments like this. Walking away from my computer hyperventilating and wanting hurt myself just to have something else to focus on. Standing in the middle of the kitchen staring vacantly into space while eating potato chips for stimulation. Attentively dusting the mountain bike that hangs on my bedroom wall instead of responding to emails.

I keep making mistakes, and I keep allowing Nicole to talk over me, and I keep letting other people take charge of my meetings.

I keep doubting that this is the right path.

I'm good at design; I'm not good at being in charge.