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Wreck Beach - Tuesday, May. 12, 2020
Thursday, Apr. 30, 2020 @ 12:41 pm
I Like You
Rain falls against my face and into the calm water around me. The world is grey. Grey sky, grey water, even the air that fills my lungs feels grey with mist. The pitter patter of raindrops falling into the ocean. An eagle cries out from the forest. More rain on the horizon, great swaths of grey and white, and the mountains are shrouded in cloud.
My clothing soaks through. My feet begin to ache with cold. The entire surface of the water gently raises and falls around me. A fish jumps ahead of me. I pull my paddle through the thick, salty water. My heart is full.
I sleep heavily, my body tired all of the way through.
I wake when he places a cup of coffee on the bedside table and kisses my face. I eventually rise and dress and put on my shoes.
He’s already working at the kitchen table, a sunbeam bright across the room.
I hug him goodbye. My heart aches with love and without warning, I hear myself saying, “I like you.”
“I like you too,” he says.
And without another word, I walk out the door. I walk home across the neighbourhood, the streets slippery with rotting cherry and magnolia petals. Bright sunshine. The streets are quiet, and I jaywalk across what is normally a bustling thoroughfare.
At home, I turn on the kettle to make myself some tea. I slide open the glass balcony door to let the spring air into my living room. I turn on my computer and sit down to start my workday. I feel the pull and ache low in my belly of my cycle ending, the reminder of life and fertility and the new opportunity that exists each month.
I like you.
A past conversation floats up from my memory.
“Shannon, I have a question for you,” my counsellor asked, in the weeks leading up to my decision to end the relationship. “Do you still like him?”
“No, no. I no longer like him.”
She paused, and we made eye contact, and she watched me process what I’d just said.
Back in my apartment, in the present day, I realize my victory. With the uttering of I like you, the cycle has completed.