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Underwater - Friday, Aug. 27, 2021
Thursday, Jul. 29, 2021 @ 11:01 pm
I finish enough work for the day, wash my face, buckle on my rollerblades. Swap my t-shirt for a bikini top. Ride the elevator down, emerge into the evening sunshine.
I skate around the seawall, first by the lagoon, then out along the harbour. I am flying. It’s effortless, and I can’t help but smile.
People say hi to me, and I have a series of funny little conversations. Mostly men, single men. All men, I guess. They’re nice men too, not the tanned torsos. Dads.
I come around under the bridge to where the harbour opens up to broader ocean. The sun is an orange ellipse, about to dip behind the mountains.
I stop and sit on a bench and remove my rollerblades. Walk out across the sand. Strip off my shorts down to my bathing suit. Walk out into the warm ocean. I swim.
After, I put back on my rollerblades and complete the lap, my hair dripping down my back.
Where did this confidence come from? I used to be so shy, so unsure of myself. I thought that I was mousey, too muscled, not feminine enough. For whom was I not enough? Why did I care so much?
I sit on a bench in front of my apartment, taking in the landscape. Orange sky, groups of friends laughing together on the lawn, couples kayaking back towards the shore. I will never take this for granted.
My phone buzzes with a text.
Care to go for a run sometime?
“Why is he messaging me, two plus years later?”
“Shannon, it’s not really about going for a run. You’re the one that got away.”
I know now that he loved me, briefly, and maybe still does.