Rooted, I used to think.

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Friday, Oct. 07, 2022 @ 2:19 am
Calgary 2:40am

I sink into the hot water. Stars in the clear sky above. The wind rustles the aspen leaves.

I flew here, arrived dehydrated, then began drinking. Should I even be writing now?

I forget that so many people live in huge houses like this. So much land for so few people. It's so quiet.

Do I want this for myself? My own tennis court in the back yard?

Tessa left a note on the bed welcoming me. She hugged me, all unicorn jammies and lank hair.

I want this. I don't want this.

Her soft little body and the cool mountain air.

I drink hard.

I realize that I'm the only one left with the three brothers in the hot tub. I'm most comfortable around men, so I didn't notice at first.

I stumble out, standing for a long time in the grass waiting for my body to catch up with me.

I don't know what I want. I can be happy so many different ways. Why does this make my heart ache?

Roots | Shoots