I have symptoms today that could be consistent with implantation of a fertilized egg. I realized this today in the bathroom stall in at work, and I sat there, my heart pounding, the world feeling both too large and too small at the same time. Everything coming into sharp focus, with a wave of nausea.

I sat there and observed my response. Fear.

This is what it's always been for me.

I'm afraid to have a child. That's the reason, without a doubt, as to why I never started a family.