Monday, May. 01, 2023 @ 6:04 pm
I made a mistake fourteen days ago. I was concerned the next morning when I realized my error, and I brushed it off considering my age is not considered particularly fertile.
I have symptoms today that could be consistent with implantation of a fertilized egg. I realized this today in the bathroom stall in at work, and I sat there, my heart pounding, the world feeling both too large and too small at the same time. Everything coming into sharp focus, with a wave of nausea.
I sat there and observed my response. Fear.
This is what it's always been for me.
I'm afraid to have a child. That's the reason, without a doubt, as to why I never started a family.
And now I wait.