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Purgatory - Sunday, Feb. 10, 2019
2002-08-05 @ 9:30 p.m.
I sure know how to pick them.
Let's back up a bit. So we went to the fireworks on Saturday night. After, we were back at his place watching the people throng in the streets below and he says quietly, "Why do I get the feeling that you're going to hurt me?"
He's very intuitive. I haven't told him yet that I've ended every relationship that I've been in. But I really can't figure out if I like him or not. Sometimes I think he's amazingly compassionate, and other times I think he's a bastard.
I can't believe he'd want to date me in the first place, actually. I'm not exactly glamorous. He asked what I would do about make-up if he wanted to take me to a gala. A gala?? Buddy. No. Not into that kind of life. And also, I don't talk much. I'd embarass him in front of his business friends with my naivety.
We had a lengthy discussion about success last night. What his definition of success is. What my definition of success is. I stood my ground: happiness is success, and happiness has little to do with money. Sure, you need a base amount of income for comfort, but you cannot buy the feeling of diving the the surging ocean. I'd be more happy growing apples for 30k a year than being the CEO of Biotech Company X. "But you'll have no money!" "But I'll have the sky, the orchard, the chickens, and I'll have time." "You are out of your mind. That's not the way the world works. When are you going to accept reality?" "I will not accept YOUR reality. I will make mine."
Now then, here's the interesting part. He's 'waiting for marriage'. The percentage of virgins that I've dated is unnaturally high. Not that it's a bad thing - on the contrary it's a plus - if it's true.
Anyhow, I've told too much. He's headed to TO for an interview on Tuesday, and I'm headed to Shuswap for a serious pot-n-beer fest. I need to chill with my blue-collar buddies and have FUN and think. A week apart to think about everything. I wonder if he'll be around when I return?
I cannot, I just cannot live like that.