I want to be held in his warm arms, feel his heart beating within, and rest my head on his shoulder.

I want to tickle him, tickle him so then we end up wrestling on the floor. I want him to trap me there, hold back my arms, and kiss me so gently that my heart beats out loud.

Chris called me on the weekend, while I was off backpacking, and left a message on my machine. I had to call him back - we hadn't talked in over a month. Perhaps 2? I can't even remember. It was shortly after my emotioal crisis on Canada Day.

He's living with his Aunt right now. She lives less than 10 minutes from me, as opposed to the 30-45 minutes that he used to. He knew he had to be out of his place by the end of August. Typical. Didn't get off his ass to find somewhere to move into until it was too late and all the university students had snatched up the available places.

He told me about meeting some girl in an internet cafe. He told me he's bad with the 'follow through' ie. he never calls them back.

That is all. I was strong. I didn't tell him I loved him. I didn't harass him about school. I listened. I answered his questions honestly, but I did not offer anything more about my life.

I can do this.

I've been put on a project at work with my coworker-crush. We joke around so much. I'm nearly always laughing, and I find it easy to make him laugh too. I told him yesterday that we should wear matching red shirts today, to show teamwork on the project. He kind of laughed and said 'sure'. I didn't think he would. Guess what? He turned up this morning in his red shirt. It makes me shiver to think he thought about me and my corny ideas while getting dressed at home.

He has a girlfriend. She's in Winnipeg.