Monday, Sept. 30, 2002 @ 11:01 pm
Damn, I wish I was your lover.
The night feels like snow. It's back to magic-mini weather. Fleece jackets.
I bladed out to Safeway. I'd forgotten the joy of being out on the roads so late at night. It reminds me of study breaks at exam time - those 11pm jogs to get my mind settled into whatever needs to be memorized.
My mind needed to be settled.
This morning, I sat at work, starting my experiments, my stomach twisting and aching with the anticipation of how He would deal with our Friday night rendezvous. Tick, tock. 9:15... 9:30... where is he?
He came in the lab. I could smell him. He came straight to me. "How are you?" "I'm OK," I stammered. Really, I was not at all OK.
"Warren said he's still finding broccoli all over the house."
We went for coffee, just the two of us, and it was just as if we'd been to the party, but not had a make-out session. We didn't talk about it. It Never Happened.
Despite the relief I feel of him not avoiding me... I want him even more now. But it's so hard - so hard to spend time with him - knowing that it can never be. Or can it? Could it? Should I try?
Miss S hooked up with her grad student crush this weekend too. "We need to find you a good boy, one that has less issues."
So tonight was a Me night. Made soup. Rollerbladed out to the store. Spent time with the cows. Spent time with 2-year old neighbour.
"I think it's time for bed. Can I hug-n-kiss you goodnight?"
There is nothing sweeter, more innocent, than a kiss on the cheek from her. She calls me her sister. "You are my most best friend."