Friday, Oct. 04, 2002 @ 9:45 pm
D R O w n i n g . . .
"I have to leave early from Beers."
"Where are you going?"
The silence that ensued told me everything.
We grouped around and shared Red Devil and I was silent. I don't think anyone noticed that my silence tonight was distinctly different from my usual observant quietness. Inside, I was screaming, crying, struggling to contain every emotion that was writhing inside me.
He got up suddenly and left on his bike.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"I got the feeling he is planning on ending things with her on his visit this weekend."
Holy shit. Holy shit. What the hell is going on. Emotions tidal waving over me. Drowning.
When the bill was squared up, I left alone, cycling in the drizzling rain, arms and legs bare. The cold burning feels good... sobbing, tears streaming down with the rain, burning my mouth, burning burning...
Darkness fell over the streets. My headlight flashing off the trees. Raindrops shining crystals in front of me. I side-tracked into the woods. Roots and branches slamming up at me, corners perilous in the dim light. For an hour I sped through that sanctuary. Feeling better with every crank of the chain.
I crumpled in the door at home. Deuce curled around my ankles. It's warm here. The machine blinks with a message:
Hi, it's me. I just wanted to say goodbye because i didn't get to say goodbye to you properly at Beers...umm yeah.. have a good weekend.. umm.. yeah... and I'll talk to you on Monday.... bye