Wednesday, May. 08, 2019 @ 12:42 am
I’m standing in the kitchen aisle sizing up graters and ice cube trays.
Maybe another run tonight?
My heart races. I’d lined up a date with a lawyer. I wasn’t expecting to hear from Peter three days in a row.
I ride my bike home along tree-lined streets, the neighbourhood vibrant and lush. Birds chirping. I dodge a large grey squirrel.
I try to work out how to handle this. It hurts my heart to say no to Peter, but I do wish to keep seeing other men to gain perspective.
I work out a way to see both.
Peter and I run the same route, earlier this time so in daylight. At the end, the sun is setting in a flourish of pinks and purples, and he takes another couple selfie of us. We are walking back towards his condo, and he pulls money out of his pocket with a grin.
“Yes! But next time. I need to go.”
The look on his face. My heart hurts. Why am I doing this? But his face. I just cracked the code; I just saw the truth. He loves me.
I ride my bike home and shower. The lawyer arrives right on time. My hair is still dripping wet as I climb into his car. It smells of fancy leather. We go for dinner at a place right on the beach. The ocean is inky black. I feel zero chemistry. He makes me feel naive and presses on about how I need to lawyer up for the separation.
He drops me off. Waits until I’m inside the lobby before leaving. He’s not a bad guy. We message a bit once he’s at home. I decide to use these dates to gather feedback.
“What is your first impression of me?”
I light the candles beside my bed, get under the covers, and eat chocolate. Peter.
I could really use some ice cream right now…Good night!
Good night! he replies instantly.