Back in Victoria, the waves and the flowers and the city. Walking streets that I haven't walked in over five years. The city the same; me different. Looking up at our old apartment. We used to live here.

Surreal and dream-like. Sad and happy. Like hugging and old boyfriend. Oh, how I loved you. Oh, how I loved how I felt around you. Remember who I was when I was with you?

And then, today, booking flights to Calgary. For work, but also staying an extra day to see others. Others including... Chris? I emailed him asking if he was free on the Saturday night.

I wrote a while back about how I used to do crazy things like fly to Toronto to see a man. And I feel like I'm pulling up my trousers here and saying, Yup, that's still me, romantic and bold, and never letting go of an opportunity.

But it's not entirely that, and I don't want it to even be that, because things are good with Daniel right now. But I also know that it will be exciting, and that it's going to throw me into emotional chaos. But sometimes it's good to do these things to yourself, to remind yourself that you are still alive.

The next day, I will be driving into the mountains to visit my best friend from university. She's pregnant and due 4 days later, so it's a bit of a risk, but I've already paid for the car rental, and I'm going to see her one way or another, flowers and ice cream in hand for whatever occasion presents itself.